Monthly Archives: February 2015

Dare You To Read … 



I have some horrific news to share. Yesterday, I learned about a 13 year old girl who took her own life. I know her family.. Look at this beautiful girl. Look at those eyes… She was involved in extracurricular actives at her middle school as a Cheerleader and Goal Keeper for the Co-Ed Soccer Team. She was also active in Gymnastics and was a member of the Competition Cheerleading Team. What would prompt a beautiful girl with her whole life ahead of her to take her own life? Why was she so tortured?

I’ll tell you why… Her father (a police officer) managed to gain full custody of her and he completely cut her mother out of her life. This precious girl was deprived of her own mother like my children and so many other children have been, so many mothers and children who are now coming forward with their own personal stories and experiences. 

If your heart is not already broken for the mother of this beautiful young girl who took her life, it will be after I tell you what happened the day before she took her life. This child wanted desperately to see her mom again, so she called her using a friend’s cell phone and asked if she’d meet her somewhere (on the sly of course since her father would never allow her to be with her mother at all). They met and were able to finally spend some time together. This mother and her family thought their prayers had been answered. How could they know what would happen next? This young girl took her own life the very next day. Can you imagine how her mother must have felt? Can you imagine how this precious child must have felt just before she pulled the trigger that ended her life? There is nothing in this life more horrific -more traumatic- than forcing a child to live with no contact with their own mother.

If there were any doubts about how cruel this father was before his child took her life, there are no doubts now. He buried this baby girl (and “baby” is what I call a 13 year old) without allowing her own mother -the women who carried her and gave birth to her and cared for her until she “lost” custody of her- to come to the funeral or burial. He even left her mother out of the obituary as if she didn’t exist. If evil has a face, it’s the face of this dead child’s father.

Not long after I read this post, Janie and I teamed up and decided to use our knowledge of the inner workings of the corrupt family court system and our writing talents to do -to create- something that would make a difference. Something that would give a voice to those who are harmed the most – the children. After working on numerous blog posts together, we began working on The Motherless Child Project which was released just before Christmas 2014. This book is only the first in a series. Sadly, our nation is truly becoming a nation of motherless children more and more with each passing day. While mothers have some small voice, children have no voice. Ember -our book’s main character- is a much needed voice for all the motherless children. You can read more about The Motherless Child Project at http://www.themotherlesschildproject.com

Depriving children of a relationship with their own mother is completely traumatic. It’s known that childhood trauma is linked to many adverse and long-term health and social consequences. The more traumatic events a child experiences, the more tragic the consequences will be. You can read more about how childhood trauma negatively impacts a child’s life here http://acestudy.org/ What’s makes the results of the ACE Study even more troubling is the fact that this nation’s family court judges (those charged with upholding the law of the land), family court lawyers, GAL’s (lawyer who are charged with representing the best interest of the child), court appointed social workers and psychologists intentionally place children in dangerous, abusive, traumatic situations.

To get a glimpse of what a “motherless” child endures -feels-, read “When a Mother Disappears: The Words from a Stolen Child” http://mothersoflostchildren.org/2015/01/when-a-mother-disappears-the-words-from-a-stolen-child/ 

Following is a heart-wrenching excerpt “I grew up thinking this could not have happened to anyone else. No one else’s mother disappears, which had made me feel deeply ashamed, though I hadn’t named that; I had just felt it somewhere beneath the surface of my heart, because children always assume it is their fault when a parent leaves. I had known my father had something to do with it though. And perhaps my mother had done something bad, something that made him furious.  I knew it wasn’t only my fault.”

Of course, trauma impacts the mothers of “lost” children experiencing trauma they can’t do anything about. Losing a child “through life” is the most horrific way to lose a child. Until a couple of decades ago, nobody had ever lost a child in this way– at least not in mass numbers. And, children didn’t go missing “legally”.

No mother should ever have to lose a child through life. It’s not normal. It’s not natural. There is no closure. There is no end to the gut wrenching pain. The wound does not ever heal. In fact, it never even forms a scab toward healing. It remains perpetually open… The taking of living children from living mothers is something so terrible, so evil, that there is no way to really describe such a loss. I wrote a poem about losing a child through life here http://motherswithoutcustodyworld.com/to_lose_a_child_through_life The mother of this 13 year old lost a child through life and then through death too. I don’t know how to even begin to describe that kind of loss….

This story -this suicide- has hit me really really hard. I’m also thinking of other mothers I’ve met who hatheir children to abusive fathers and then suicide – mothers like Maria Bauer Melinn. Maria’s son Michael took his life in the same way… I wonder how many children commit suicide because of being deprived of their mothers. God never intended for the sacred bond between mother and child to be broken. Laura was only eleven months old and Matthew was only twenty-three months old when they were taken from me in November 1998. I do not know my own children. And they do not know their own mother. They have grown up entirely motherless. There are hundreds of thousands of motherless children in the United States (and beyond) who have loving mothers, but are not allowed to see them or even know them in many cases.

Janie McQueen wrote a blog post a while back called “A Nation of Motherless Children” where she asked the question “Do you know the spiritual Sometimes I Feel Like a Motherless Child? All these sad, one-winner cases make me wonder if we’re heading toward a nation of motherless children.” http://janiemcqueen.com/a-nation-of-motherless-children/

{it’s} past time to get serious about stopping this intentional maternal deprivation. Please, let’s all work together to stop this. Speak out loudly about the racketeering going on in the family court system. http://motherswithoutcustodyworld.com/family_court_a_criminal_enterprise

Most important of all though, let’s continually pray for our children to be delivered from evil.

(For more details, additional information, please see The Motherless Child Project) 

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message from child

Message from estranged child (from thefourthagreement.WordPress.com)

I am every age. I am four and twelve and fourteen and twenty-nine. I am every age in between. Pray for me and for our reconnection. If you don’t believe in prayer, then believe in the power of your own mind and heart. Know the power of your thoughts. Know that you can reach me and hold me in your mind’s eye. Find a way to rise above the negativity and the pain and let love sustain you. Believe that there is some purpose to this mess and that we will both be okay.

I will find my way back to you. It may be when I remember I am your daughter or it may be when I find that bigger part of me, the authentic self who is neither my father’s daughter nor my mother’s daughter, nor a victim; the Self that is whole and empowered and was never lost, never abandoned, never hurt. This could be a long, slow process, or it could happen in a moment, in a word I hear, in a prayer I feel, coming from you.

*I invite you to follow my blog for the complete story which begins here :

https://thefourthagreement.wordpress.com/2014/12/02/now-reaching-out-one-last-time/

https://thefourthagreement.wordpress.com/2015/01/04/a-message-from-your-estranged-child/

NEVER Say To An Alienated Parent:

Here is a list of things to never say to an alienated parent.

1. Get over it. Focus on the child you have. Before you even think about this, please have a look at your own children and decide which one you would choose to forget exists.

2. It will be ok. No, it won’t. Memories are being destroyed and your child is being taught to hate you. This is never ok. Never. EVER!

3. I know how you feel. Do you? Have you gone years and not seen your child? Unless you have, don’t even go there.

4. Your child is ok. No. An alienated child is an abused child. Abuse is never ok. EVER. Denying rights and contact is a direct violation and outright emotional abuse. This is never ok.

5. It will get easier in time. No, it won’t. Ever. Because time heals nothing. It creates more distance and a bigger loss that can never be replaced. Think of lost milestones.

6. It’s not like (s)he’s dead. Isn’t it? Know what? Accepting the loss of a child is easier when they’re dead. Because its final and there has to be acceptance. Living grief is torture.

7. Back to no 1 here. Think about your other child. Yeah, you think I don’t? The one who constantly asks why? Again, don’t even dare go there.

Granted it’s hard to know what to say to anyone in a difficult situation and that’s fine. But there is NO excuse for any of the above.

Hearts Apart – Raising Awareness Of Parental Alienation‘s post

The DSM 5 Has included Parental Aienation – Inform your Therapists, Lawyers …

“The DSM 5 Has included PA Via including the various forms of Child Psychological abuse on Children and the various symptoms and psychological disorders they develop due to Parental Alianation. It does not use the term “Parental Alianation”; the DSM 5 places the focus on the Child instead. An alianated parent can now present what is being done to their child/ren in court and advocate for their wellbeing and put a stop to it. Inform your Therapists and Lawyers and bring alianators to court. If your Therapists and Lawyers are not up to date, make sure you get ones that are not sitting on this huge accomplishment. It’s time to make history via saving our Children”  {information posted by active parent, Parental Alienation World Wide Support Group}

Mama loves you: TO THE MOON AND BACK is an artistic project ….

To unnecessarily and violently separate a woman and her young children can represent the gravest form of abuse, with major social ramifications in generations to come.

Most contested custody cases are domestic abuse or child abuse cases in which the abuser has been allowed to use the courts to regain control over their victim, and bankrupt the safe, primary care giving, protective parent. Through art we hope that this National Crisis be understood.

Mama loves you: TO THE MOON AND BACK is an artistic project for Mothers of Domestic Violence, throwing light on the suffering endured by mothers and children who have been separated by court orders.

More – http://mothersoflostchildren.org/2014/12/domestic-violence-art-exhibit-to-the-moon-and-back/

Gossipy Feathers on the Wind

I’ve been offline a little while for reasons to best help my family, and this topic is what I have found to be the cause of most of the damage for much of the suffering I have seen among others suffering similar to what I have, to what has been the root of so many unnecessary split and suffering children, parents, loved ones. I hope others help share this, and take notice. It seems such a basic lesson, watching one’s words, repeating stories, gossip, making up and telling untrue stories, lies, but, it seems so many children grow to adulthood never understanding the tremendous power of their words, slander, lies … these turn into the adults who are actively involved in our everyday lives, the lives of our children, making decisions, influencing, etc. It’s a vicious cycle. This is too important a lesson to overlook. Thanks for your post.

One Christian Dad

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A man grew jealous of his friend’s life, and since he was upset that his own life was falling apart, he devised a scheme to take the heat off of himself. He began to spread gossip about his friend all through the church and on Facebook. Hurtful, slanderous, lies aimed at hurting and ruining his friend’s reputation. Soon everyone was talking about the story. After a while he is convicted of his guilt and he confesses his sin to his friend, and asks for forgiveness.

His friend is willing to forgive him but first he hands him  a down filled pillow and a knife, and says, “Take this pillow to the top of the highest building in town and release all the feathers into the wind, then come back to me.” Confused, the the man agrees to fulfil this strange task. When he returns to his friend and asks for his forgiveness…

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