Category Archives: court appointed psychologist

A Must Read re: loss of parental rights, pas, court reform, a Re-Post of Article

Thank you to the author, Jennifer Verraneault (May 03, 2014) from http://www.ctlawtribune.com/id=1202652965182/Guardian%20Ad%20Litem%20Reform%20Approved%20By%20Legislature?mcode=0&curindex=0&curpage=ALL&slreturn=20140503203106

 

excerpt:  Parents who are good parents are not seeing their children as a result of many things wrong with the way we do business in family court. Court orders are not followed and nothing happens to the offender. Time goes by and children miss their right to have a relationship with their parent. Parental alienation is very real and unfortunately, in my opinion very common in our family court system. I view our family court system as an enabler; attorneys, GALs, AMCs, judges, mental health professionals who call themselves consultants are all getting it wrong. We can spend tax payers dollars on giving, yes giving retired judges a very comfortable pension even if they only serve for three years, but we can‘t provide these same judges with the resources they need to help when they‘re on the bench. It doesn‘t make sense. I know there‘s a lot of good in family law but unfortunately, there‘s a lot of bad apples who have used our system to ruin it for children, parents and the good guys (full comment/article below):

Seenitall:
Thank you for your unbiased, educational and nice commentary. Just as we accuse GALs, AMCs, judges, mental health professionals and alike for being not so good; we have to admit that there‘s also some not so good parents who have been vocal and also silent throughout our cause to promote constructive and overdue changes in family court. Parents who have joined other parents to share their experiences, from my view, have legitimate complaints and concerns. Are there parents in which they may have some form of a personality flaws or disorders? Are some parents more vulnerable to personality adjustment disorders when they go through one, if not the most stressful and detrimental life experience ever? I am sure, however, for the vast majority of these parents I have met, none of what has been reported, researched, analyzed, scrutinized and so on rise to the level of abuse, neglect or a determination of being an unfit parent. We are not talking about DCF cases. Our most vulnerable children need a voice and this is not what our cause is about.

I will say, a lot of parents don‘t have the luxury, although it should not be viewed as a luxury but a right, to ask their children about their day or to spend precious time with their child because their rights have been ignored. Not only the parents right to care for their child, absent abuse and neglect, but their child‘s rights to have a relationship with their non-custodial parent have denied. All communication has been stopped, therefore have a telephone conversation is not even an option with most of these parents and children. This is very sad and it will end up being societies problem when these deprived children grow up to be adults. I understand your recommendation for parents to let the system evolve as we know it will, and to spend their energy and efforts on their children, but it‘s truly not that easy. Parents who are good parents are not seeing their children as a result of many things wrong with the way we do business in family court. Court orders are not followed and nothing happens to the offender. Time goes by and children miss their right to have a relationship with their parent. Parental alienation is very real and unfortunately, in my opinion very common in our family court system. I view our family court system as an enabler; attorneys, GALs, AMCs, judges, mental health professionals who call themselves consultants are all getting it wrong. We can spend tax payers dollars on giving, yes giving retired judges a very comfortable pension even if they only serve for three years, but we can‘t provide these same judges with the resources they need to help when they‘re on the bench. It doesn‘t make sense. I know there‘s a lot of good in family law but unfortunately, there‘s a lot of bad apples who have used our system to ruin it for children, parents and the good guys. Sorry for any typos.

Read more: http://www.ctlawtribune.com/id=1202652965182/Guardian-Ad-Litem-Reform-Approved-By-Legislature#ixzz33ctTcvoj

How We Got From There to Here (And Where We Go From Here?) – Writing For My Life (April 2013)

2013 – How We Got From There to Here (And Where We Go From Here?):

 

April 2013 –

This month was a turning point in our cause as it was the beginning of what I called being “noticed”, where I was successful in communicating, “volleying” I called it, by email w/guardian ad litem, for the first time in the year and a half since this gal’s appointment and her recommendation to the court to remove my children from my custody and place them in the full-time care and custody of my ex-husband in November 2011.   My ex-husband had never been the primary caregiver for our children and had a criminal record, continued to abuse drugs, and had irrefutable, questionable moral and ethical issues that continued to be detrimental to all of our children.

My youngest child, my daughter, who was 12 years old by this time in April 2013, was continuing to show signs of great distress, mentally, emotionally, and physically, her schoolwork and behavior continued to be a cause for alarm and was documented by teachers, and I notified the court appointed psychologist of this, as well as my ex-husband’s behavior toward my daughter which was increasingly threatening and abusive.  He imposed extreme isolation upon her, monitoring all of her activities and phone use and/or had her older brother assist in monitoring and withholding her outside contact, as well as utilizing other relatives as well.  The turning point for me came when my daughter related to her psychologist the details of her father threatening to kill the family pet, my daughter’s only comfort in the home, which was a cat she’d been caring for since she went to live with her father in November 2011.  I persisted in my attempts to communicate regarding these events to the guardian ad litem as well as the court appointed psychologist.  Up until this time I was not included in meetings/sessions regarding the children, having been banned by my ex-husband at the time he obtained custody of our children.   I finally received a response from the court appointed guardian ad litem and began to relay more details, and accurate information she appeared to be lacking in, and documented how my ex-husband had recently frightened my daughter in his re-telling of killing a previous family pet, my dog, by shooting it in the head after our separation and divorce.  These details were traumatizing to my daughter and her father laughed about these events.

This month was crucial in that with these details and my newfound attempts to communicate with teachers, the court appointed psychologist, and, the guardian ad litem, I at least began to engage the guardian ad litem in communications with me.  I also brought to everyone’s attention the facts regarding my ex-husband’s continued drug use.  The children had photos, and sent them to friends, of a bong that was sitting in plain sight on the patio at my ex-husband’s home, and photos and videos of other disturbing sights and sounds occurring in their father’s home.

Many incidents had occurred up until this point re: the disturbing events occurring at my ex-husband’s home, his behaviors that were not in the best interest of the children, the lack of parental supervision at my ex-husband’s home, underage drinking, suspected drug use, teen parties that were allowed in the home unsupervised, and other matters that were no longer going completely unnoticed by professionals, neighbors, other parents, etc. who were around my children while they were in their father’s care.

At this time I still continued to remain under limited, restricted visitation with my youngest child only, my son who was not yet 15 years old at the time having ceased visiting and/or communicating with me totally nearly a year prior, in May 2012, with no assistance or intervention on the part of the court professionals.

Once again, by April 2013, I had attempted, and did, relocate to this area and jurisdiction in order to be closer to my children, regardless of whether I was “allowed” to see them or not, and, in order to be closer to the jurisdiction overseeing our family court matters.  I researched and monitored my own case and was active in all proceedings and felt this move was prudent in order to relieve the 200 mile trip (one-way) burden that had been imposed upon me since my children were taken from our home and hometown and placed in their father’s care and custody some year and a half prior.  This continued to be extremely difficult for me as I had no support system or network in the area.  At times, my day-hours visitation with my young daughter, every other weekend, were held in local parks, McDonalds, anywhere we could manage to visit … inclement weather made this very hard but we always managed and my daughter and I looked forward so much to those few hours every other week.  By April 2013 I lived from one friend’s home to another, rotating in order to not become a burden upon any one family, while helping my elderly parents with their health and housing issues that had been, and continued to be, extreme and critical.  By April 2013 I was thankful to have secured part-time employment at the Law Firm of a local attorney who remembered me from years prior.  It was a start up and back into the field and area of my experience and expertise, title abstracting, and though it was not enough income to be independent and self-sustaining, it was a major turning point for me in that it redeemed me in my own eyes, and, in essence, redeemed the community around that had there-to-fore appeared to ignore my and my children’s plight.  This somehow, perhaps inexplicably, came to me as some form of redemption of mankind itself that I sorely needed and was a great boost to my self-esteem and self-confidence, calming me so that I could re-group, prepare, and try to plan once again for the future.  The trauma, grief, loss, and horror were still very real but by this time I felt as if I had been given a much needed breath of fresh air which fortified me, strengthening me to once again try to seek the truth, find others who had endured similarly, and, to begin to find and use my own voice again, for my children, for me.

Court Proceedings:  April 2013 – My attorney was given an hour “oral” argument in which to plead his case once more re: the removal of the guardian ad litem, which was promptly denied by the Court, again.  Sanctions were also imposed against my attorney, and, contempt fees against me.  I faced the very real and imminent threat and danger of being incarcerated for the matter of the guardian ad litem’s unpaid fees.  A hearing for this matter to address my incarceration was to be scheduled and noticed in the next few weeks.

 

 

SOUND-OFF 08-12-13:

SOUND-OFF TO FRIENDS, FAMILY, NEIGHBORS, AND COLLEAGUES

08-12-13:

Last month’s FOIA Public Request submitted to Rankin County was fruitful in that our court-appointed guardian ad litem, the one that has ignored my crying children, for 22 months, the one took them from me in a matter of minutes, nearly 2 years ago and promptly made me invisible, the same one that has ignored my ex-husband’s failed, court-ordered drug tests and has also failed to report said tests to the judge, even if we all are not sure his knowledge of said failed drug tests would even matter, and, finally, yes, the same gal who has finally gotten a date set in which to finally have me jailed in Rankin County for the matter of her fees, (and, yes, let me reiterate that this is the same guardian ad litem learned a few weeks ago that I was researching every single case of hers in Rankin County in which she was appointed guardian ad litem … ya’ll, she has an inordinately high percentage of appointments in just that one county alone.  I have read over alot of her cases … this woman has actually jailed ALOT of parents, for fees?!! And, as in our case, the kids and their interests are put off, indefinitely, until the matter of fees is resolved, OR, until the parent that is being threatened just… DISAPPEARS? One mother spent NEARLY A YEAR IN RANKIN COUNTY JAIL FOR FEES … I’m regrouping, re-organizing, and starting a bullet list of each case so more on that later.  We all know that this guardian ad litem took away the kids, devastating them, and me!  We all have asked ourselves how I, the soccer mom, who had custody of those kids their entire lives, who does not have a criminal record, no addictions, no mental problems, no promiscuity, and I, who have been forced back in court every year since my ex filed in July 2005, spending well over $40,000, at last count,  could possibly lose custody of those sweet children?  And then be erased and forced into invisibility as well?  WE ALSO ALL KNOW THAT MY EX-HUSBAND HAD AND CONTINUES TO HAVE PROBLEMS IN ALL OF THE AREAS LISTED ABOVE…. how do these things happen?   This guardian ad litem has never helped either of my children, never did any investigation into the false sexual abuse charges my ex-husband filed against the youth minister at a local church back in the summer of 2010.  I never dreamed that things like this were purposely done to wreak the havoc that they do, and DID?  I mean, how many of us have ever heard of such a thing?  Then, having a guardian ad litem appointed seemed ok, and normal, right?  I certainly was fine with having a “lawyer to represent the children”… that’s what they are supposed to do.  I certainly didn’t agree to pay her fees but I’m sure facing jail for them.  This woman never came home to Ocean Springs to meet with me and the kids, NOR DID SHE TALK OR MEET WITH ANY OF YOU GUYS?!!!, as so many of you have questioned me about.

At any rate, this gal HAS been paid OUT OF COUNTY FUNDS? on a case, and for indigent case purposes, for which Rankin County has denied even giving me an opportunity to protest her fees, for WHICH I NEVER AGREED TO IN 2010… I am experienced in family court, we all know.  We have had a wonderful guardian ad litem in the past, 2007, who did a thorough and proper investigation?!

I wanted everyone to know since this search turned up important, and relevant information that should expose our living hell of a nightmare, get some much-needed help for the kids, and, perhaps just keep me, THE PTA/SOCCER mom you all know and love OUT OF JAIL?! (YES, I am getting more and more used to saying and typing that line … it does not hold so much fear over me anymore), because of my amateur investigating has thus far been so productive, I have submitted yet another request of 14 business names, corporations/nonprofits that I have uncovered that are directly linked to the opposing attorney, guardian ad litem, court-appointed psychologist who has been invisible since being court-appointed in February 2012, AND, maybe even an incorporation directly tied to other professionals involved in our case.

Many thanks to everyone who has walked with me through this valley.  Thank you for letting me sound off, and thank you for listening to me cry.  The kids were taken from every one of you as well, and some of you have children they, we, were so close to.  My kids have not been allowed to leave the Hinds/Rankin/Madison county areas since November 2011… 😦  I am only allowed, on paper, to see them a total of 24 “day only” hours a month and have to drive 200 miles to and from to do so.  I’m so sorry that I cannot do or explain more to your sweet children.  I know they have so many questions and none of us have any good answers to give them.

Rankin chancery court, for some inexplicable reason, gave me a couple of extra weeks until my incarceration hearing  … it’s been continued to 09-13-13, incarceration for guardian ad litem fees.  Help me pass this along, forward, and forward to anyone, everyone you know.  I am seeking pro bono representation, now, so please keep in mind if you hear of any leads regarding that, in order to avoid actual jail (for an indefinite period of time?!), AND, most important, to put the emphasis back on the best interest of my children who are deteriorating more every day, I am doing the only thing left to do at this point …. trying to follow all leads into what I believe is at the heart of my particular case and that is corruption … I hate that term, I hated it from the first time I heard it applied in our case, but after all that has been uncovered, discovered, presented, and, ignored, there is no other possible explanation.  I don’t know why the fact that mere money changing hands feels more sickening to me.  I’ve learned so much.  There are so many variables and factors in every single case that I see now it is now wonder parents have not been able to unite.  Sometimes it is simply prejudice, sometimes incompetence, sometimes “God-like” complexes on the part of experts, …. on and on and ON …. and sometimes, it is, quite simply, ALL ABOUT THE MONEY. My ex-husband’s attorney, has represented Governor’s of Mississippi in their divorces (or, SPOUSES of Governor’s), and, I’ve recently learned, he is also very close and has previously worked with another Jackson Attorney who was paid $10,000 by my ex-husband and his family, in 1990, after my ex was arrested and charged with possession with intent (of several different illegal drugs) during a sting operation by the DEA launched in 1989.  All of my ex’s friends, and others that he knew of were arrested served time and have records … $10,000 paid to the family attorney kept “my ex” from serving any time and also kept his record hidden away until I was finally able to have this fact put on the record during one of our many family court hearings in 2011 (which, remember, the guardian ad litem, quickly ignored and forgot completely).  If $10,000 to the right hands in 1990 would do that I am willing to consider what, say, $50,000 OR MORE, in 2010, would do to me and my children.  Something horrible went wrong … there has been no other explicable explanation other than “money”.

Our state has a large volume of “innocent” parents that must use State time and resources due to court-imposed restricted/supervised visitations which has been catching quite alot of attention lately as well.  We all thought I dodged a bullet avoiding the “supervised” visitation, but, the restricted visitation has lingered on.  Now, since learning of the attention, and the supervision that is provided (or usually provided) to the parent’s who have received this terrible sentence, I see I would have been much better off having my child be “visible”, and our family’s suffering would have been witnessed and documented by State authorities supervising.  At least you have more than a 50/50 shot of getting a State employee with a heart, and, with the courage and moral fiber to actually investigate and report children, family member’s, etc.  If appointed a private, rogue guardian ad litem, as my children were, who by all intents and purposes holds the power of “God” in which to trump dhs, juvenile court, etc. you run the risk of being invisible before you even know it … we certainly did.

Anyway, I wanted you to have this information.  It may prove useful to you or someone you know.  By all means use it if you can.  Let me know if it helps.  I’m happy to talk to anyone who wants to know more 🙂

Bobbie

 

Writing For My Life (June 2013) I have at least become a nuisance in that, at least, my existence has finally been acknowledged

Writing For My Life (June 2013)

Ours is quite a horrible, almost unbelievable story but it is becoming alarmingly clear that we are not so rare.  Coming across other stories, mother’s, father’s, children, is like manna from Heaven.  I’m not relieved other’s are hurting.  In fact, I’m sickened and it is incredibly painful to read their similar, heartbreaking stories, but for so long I could find nothing, no one else living this nightmare.

I have kept a daily journal of my own family’s tragedies for as far back as I can remember, detailing every tragic moment,  highlighting each triumph, marking every injustice, and giving thanks for each miracle, big and small, along the way.  I thought it a quirky habit, born of necessity, for self-help and healing. Maybe this was not as self-centered as I once thought.   Recalling is like reliving and is incredibly painful.  But, failure to recall allows for no reporting which only encourages ignorance and ensures continuation of abuse.  The most powerful weapon that I can think of that would defeat this level of suffering and injustice is collective outrage and outcry from fellow mothers, fathers, grandparents, brothers, sisters, children.  This has finally hit too close to home.  No one can read our story, all of these family’s stories, and possibly feel safe or immune anymore.

To be rendered useless, unable to help while children suffer is surely the most painful agony on earth but abandoning them has never occurred to me.  I liken it to watching a child battle a life threatening illness.  I could never leave their side no matter how painful it is to watch them suffer.  Anyone who turns away out of indifference, or self preservation, has a heart of stone and will one day be accountable for their actions, or in-actions.  I could never mistreat or abuse any child and certainly would never do anything to compound or prolong a child’s suffering.  I’m at a loss to explain to my own children why so many people can and do.

I continue to pray, every minute of every day, that my children will soon receive the attention, protection, and relief they deserve.  I hope others are able to use our information to help them as we would have been grateful to have and receive help, to know we were not alone living the nightmare.

These last few months have finally been productive and I am now able to put to use all the years of research, and resources to good use.  I was very recently blessed to catch the attention of a local firm who, in addition to giving part-time work, gave me something of even greater value … the credibility and validation in that was apparently lacking in Rankin County and it’s has now become clear why this was necessary in this small town with it’s “network”.  These good people in this small, local firm thankfully did not have the common hang-up so many people stumble over, wondering how and why things like this can happen to people like me, and to children like mine.

I have detailed the information surrounding the circumstances of my recent April 2013 meeting with my children’s court-appointed guardian ad litem.  This meeting was just 2 months ago and was only the 2nd ever meeting I have had with this guardian ad litem since her initial appointment August 30, 2011.  The first and only other meeting I had with this guardian ad litem was in her office barely a month before the ill-fated “custody switch” hearing of November 28, 2011 in which this guardian ad litem recommended to the court that my children be placed in their father’s care and custody.  This gal never met with me and my children together and never visited our home, hometown, nor did she bother to drive the 200 mile distance to interview my character witnesses, colleagues, neighbors, friends, family.

My April 2013 meeting with this gal was very informational, however, and I was finally afforded an opportunity to correct a great deal of misinformation and speculation, supporting all of the facts (though most were already made available and were previously submitted to her in September through November, of 2011). I am satisfied that I provided sufficient, accurate information in order to expedite the current investigation that this guardian ad litem was assigned to do in her most recent re-appointment by the court on November 29, 2012 and by which she agreed to the duty of investigating charges of abuse of my two children by their father.  That appointment was 6 months ago and, to my knowledge, she has not yet met with either of the children, alone, or together.

I hope that I have at least become a nuisance in that, at least, my existence has finally been acknowledged.  Whether I am a mosquito nuisance, or a yellow-jacket nuisance, I don’t yet know and really don’t care.  I continue to care only that my children are noticed and heard.  They deserve to feel safe and secure.  They are still so young and impressionable and the sooner the intervention, the greater the possibilities of healing, for my family.  I have no idea what or how this will be done … “when” is more important to me.  The whats/hows, whys/hows will most assuredly come in due time.

I have had some assistance by some professionals who have been instrumental in helping me with my  inquiries and information gathering.  It is my understanding that our 2 separate hearings, FINALLY scheduled, have been set for different dates, in June and July 2013, but I’ve now received notice that all 3 motions are to be heard on the one date, July 15, 2013, originally set aside for the Modification of Custody, as noticed this past November 2012.  This is disturbing and poses many problems and concerns.  These matters cannot possibly be heard all at one time.  The matter of the unpaid fees, and sanctions, appear to be taking precedence over the Motion to Extend Visitation, and, a separate Motion for Custody, which is kind of ridiculous to hear on the same date anyway.  I am worried that these matters will be not be given proper hearing time, or, worse, set aside once again.

It must be stopped.

Family Court for Dummies (A Work in Progress)

1. Accept that there is absolutely no such thing as a guarantee of speedy trial, representation, protection under the Law in Family Court.

2. The practice of debtors prisons is very real and is being carried out every day in Family Court Systems across America. You can be jailed for professional fees (i.e. appointed guardian ad litems, psychologists, special advocates, mediators, evaluators, etc.) even if you are a safe, fit, and loving parent, regardless of whether or not these professionals even perform their duties … more on this topic later.

3. Be prepared to learn more about Family Law (Federal AND State) than you ever dreamed possible. By the time you are through you will likely know more than your own attorney but it will have been worth it, especially if you do so BEFORE any final hearing.

4. Understand at the outset that a large proportion of family courts and court professionals across this nation who have been appointed, elected, and entrusted with protecting your and your CHILDREN’S rights, ARE corrupt and that this has been the norm rather than the exception for a very long time. The sooner you accept this sad fact the more ahead of the game you can become. Not ALL are corrupt, but many more than the average citizen is aware of. You have only to google topics such as bias corrupt family courts, abuse child custody, report complain lawsuits against attorneys, judges, guardian ad litems, court appointed psychologists, family court reform, etc. and you will find a WEALTH of information regarding these matters. It is rampant in every State in our Nation. This has now become a worldwide, human rights issue. Research headlines, personal stories, articles, lawsuits … knowledge is power.

5. Do not allow the opposing attorney, or, even your own attorney to strong-arm, influence, rush or shame you into accepting an appointment of a guardian ad litem, psychologist, or ANY COURT APPOINTED PROFESSIONAL WITHOUT first gathering referrals, credentials, running your own background checks, and, even checking into OTHER cases of said guardian ad litem, and/or psychologist … thoroughly review the list of the names offered you (it will very likely be a SHORT list!) – your life depends on this. You have the RIGHT to to take TIME to do these things, it’s a very important decision that you should be a part of. YOU EVEN HAVE THE RIGHT TO ALTERNATE NAMES OF PROFESSIONALS. Do these things before the gavel hits … please do not underestimate the importance of this.

6. BY INVESTIGATE … start by running a FOIA (Freedom of Information Act) Request on ALL professionals involved in your case in the county of your jurisdiction. The purpose of this is to find out if, and what they have been paid as private vendors from county funds … you will very likely be surprised at how fruitful, and shocking, these requests are. This is an important way of following the money, finding serious conflicts of interest, improprieties. This is an easy request to perform, is not complicated for a lay person to do – more on this later. It’s also easy enough to run all professional’s names through your State’s Secretary of State database for corporations they own, are officers or holders in … again, it’s following the money. Please take these steps very seriously – it can change the tide of your entire case very QUICKLY and easily BEFORE any FINAL HEARING.

7. It is very important to go to your county court records and pull your own court file and go through it with a fine tooth comb … look for missing documents, evidence, incorrect or missing official stamps and/or dates on documents, hidden documents, stapled, etc. You’d be surprised how few attorneys take the time to go through your court file, and, you know your own file and case history better than anyone. Make notes, or better yet, ask for a complete copy of your file, and update it every few weeks, days even, if you can. Documents turn up missing, added upon, misplaced, out of order, “hidden”, etc. ALL THE TIME. This is less likely to happen if you keep up with your own case file and are constantly aware of any new or unusual additions, surprises. Also, keep an eye on motions, orders, etc., that are “quick-tabbed” and labeled by clerk’s, judges, attorneys, court appointed professionals … these are usually tabs put in place for quick review and give clues to the documents hurried “professionals” flip to automatically without taking the time to read your entire case. After all, that would require a lot a time and effort on their part … it’s just your life, and the lives of your children depending on them to do so … are you willing to take the chance that they are THAT invested in you and your child’s (children’s) rights, lives, treatment, case?

8. Find out how, when, yes, even IF, the court appointed professionals are communicating with YOUR attorney (again, you’d be surprised how often they communicate with only ONE side). Insist on copies of all communications between your attorney and the court appointed professional … you can dissect this information on your own time and will surely have more invested in it than even your own attorney. Very often, even “good” attorneys are naive to the manipulative, underhanded tactics “biased” professionals use in order to leave a party out of communications, correspondences, etc. and often end up blindsided, surprised, in court … leaving you, and your children, no recourse (aside from time-wasting threats of appeals, reversals, re-considerations … you’ll likely all be too old and tired to make it that far …. very few do, believe it).

9. Addendum to #8: It is also not unusual for court appointed professionals to make costly “mistakes”, hide communications and/or documents, or, send documents ”by error”, as in … “OOPS … I DON’T KNOW HOW THAT HAPPENED?… I THOUGHT I WAS USING YOUR/YOUR ATTORNEYS PROPER EMAIL ADDRESS?” … or, “I DON’T KNOW HOW THAT HAPPENED, LET ME CHECK WITH MY ASSISTANT”, or, “I DON’T KNOW HOW/WHY WE MISSED THAT?!” or “I DON’T KNOW HOW/WHY YOUR EX RECEIVED COPIES OF REPORTS AND YOU DIDN’T?!”. Also, it’s not surprising for the opposing counsel, or, your ex, to be on the receiving end of copies of your personal, protected, confidential emails, medical records, etc. which is extremely unethical, illegal, and gives reason for review, reversals, reporting, oversight, investigations and lawsuits. These are the only ways to change, for everyone. As you can tell by now, the list of excuses, errors, corruption, can be infinite … I just listed a few I have experienced personally. This section simply means, do not be surprised by ANYTHING, ask questions, find out who’s talking, who received what, what is going on, and, what they (court appointed professionals are doing, teaching, counseling, advising your children) … do NOT allow yourself to be shamed into thinking you are being overly pesky or paranoid. Easier said than done, I KNOW, but, I assure you, the alternative is much worse, much more final, much harder to bear, years and tears later. Ask the questions, even if they make you feel STUPID for doing so … remember what we teach our children? … There ARE NO STUPID QUESTIONS!

10. KNOW the HIPPA laws and do not fail to use them in your conversations with the court appointed professionals (this should be a given but turns out it is often a slam-dunk in getting their attention). It’s hard, but you’ll have to learn early own to stop letting these so-called “professionals” intimidate you into silence … you will not win them over with good behavior – remember, your good reputation and good behavior did not help you in the first place. And, it’s also possible the whole matter has been, or is being, decided well before you even enter the courtroom. This, too, happens ALOT. Again, do all of these things BEFORE any final hearing or it will likely take YEARS to get back on any solid ground with your children and, lawsuits, reporting, ethics, commissions, review boards, only come AFTER you’ve lost your children’s childhoods. You’d much rather have their childhoods.

11. Tape record any and all conversations with court appointed professionals. It will come in handy one day, and, this is the dawn of a new age … change is a-coming, faster now than ever, thanks in part to the use of newest technology and faster information sharing sources. Protect yourself at all times. Put everything in writing. Journal, diary, take notes as often as you can. Document, document, document.

12. Day of the week actually matters — Cry as you might, even if your child is in the hospital critically injured or seriously ill you will be a lucky one if you get even a notification from much less a callback from attorneys, etal. So it is highly unlikely to expect that you will ever even see the inside of a courtroom, even if there is a bona fide emergency situation that affects your children and their health, safety, wellbeing. I was given this very important piece of advice early on in my own court-nightmare and it has served me well in the years since, helping me conserve my precious energy and focus on other matters at hand. Learn, comprehend and accept, early on, that you will not be effective in getting anyone’s help or attention on a Friday and let yourself off the hook until Monday. If there are Motions or other matters pending before the court, you can pester your attorney all you want but they too, in most cases, are at the mercy of waiting on responses and callbacks, notifications, etc. none of which will likely not happen for them either on a Friday. I did not readily accept this bit of advice initially, but I kept it in mind, and after weeks of observation I learned that it was indeed applicable in my case and jurisdiction. I urge everyone to experiment with this, see if it is true nationally. Years ago I dubbed Fridays “golf-day” in order to regain some sense of control, inject some humor, in order to cope with the agony of the condition of waiting. Only others who have experienced the agony of waiting helplessly while your child is hurt, hurting, injured, abused, sick, crying for you, etc. can truly understand that it is hell on earth to endure. Accepting, for the meantime, the imposed limitations of the court and personnel will help you focus on what you CAN DO!

13. Have you asked how many appointments each family court industry professionals involved in your case (i.e. guardian ad litem, psychologist, expert, visitation supervisors, evaluators, etc.) handle in your jurisdiction. Not many of us are aware, at the outset, that this information is not reported but it is available and vital information for you to have.

14. Ask if court appointed mental health professionals, (i.e. psychologist/psychiatrist) are appointed in accordance with your (your children’s insurance provider). All too often this is not the case, forcing parent(s) to pay out of pocket, leaving many literally bankrupt, and/or eliminating one parent altogether from participating in counseling sessions, as happened in my own case, when the court appointed psychologist was paid, in cash, by my ex-husband. I was not privy to counseling sessions my young daughter received as I was not in any position to pay for this private psychologist’s steep hourly fees for “counseling” my daughter. This psychologist was chosen and appointed by the presiding judge. Another very important and damaging fact was that my ex-husband was paying the bill – and he was in a position to, and did, bar me from participating in our child’s counseling session. The psychologist concurred, which was definitely not in the best interest of my daughter.

15. Request, and be prepared to make numerous requests, regarding billing by court appointed professionals … they are often difficult, or next to impossible to receive, and are almost always inaccurate. Follow the billing, hourly rate, diagnosis code, etc. The importance of “billing” and how to use itemization of in checking for errors, provable facts for trial and/or complaints cannot be underestimated.

16. Ongoing Work

VITAL for Protective Parents:

From — http://protectivemothersalliance.blogspot.com/2009/06/guardian-of-truth-newsletter-vol-2.html

… It is vital that, from the very early stages of the case, protective parents do the following:

Rely only on attorneys, physicians, and mental health professionals with documented training and experience in domestic violence and child abuse cases. General family court experience for lawyers, and general child custody and family therapy training for other professionals, is woefully insufficient for these cases. Attorneys who represent the abusers should be avoided, as their experience with abuse cases is generally counterproductive. Look for attorneys who truly understand the constitution, the rules of evidence, and the mental health field, and who are willing to challenge the system when it is failing. Stay away from lawyers who believe that the wise psychologist and the experienced guardian ad litem will always make the right decisions and we just have to trust them.

Object to any process where written reports are submitted by guardians ad litem, custody evaluators, or mental health professionals. Insist that all rules of evidence be followed, and fight to keep bogus theories such as parental alienation syndrome and the like out of evidence.

Always depose any professional who is going to have an impact on the case.

Insist that any attorneys who purport to represent the interest of the children, such as guardians ad litem, minor’s counsel, or law guardians strictly comply with the American Bar Associations 2003 Standards of Practice for Lawyers Representing Children in Custody Cases and any state rules with similar provisions.

Never waive objections to unlawful procedures, and always argue that the court must decide the case based only on evidence properly admitted where your due process rights of notice and the opportunity for a fair hearing before an impartial judge are preserved.

Never waive your right to appeal an adverse decision.

Where children are old enough to testify about facts and events crucial to proving the abuse happened, their testimony should be presented, but in a way that minimizes the stress. However, continued abuse is much worse than the trauma of testifying.

Always use the testimony of fact witness who have direct knowledge of the abusive events, the aftermath of the abuse, and parenting quality. Do not expect the experts to be sufficient.

Never ask the court to require the accused abuser to submit to a polygraph, a psychosexual evaluation, or any other such evaluation. These devices are incapable of determining if abuse occurred and this strategy will backfire.

The first step in protecting children is controlling the process by which their fate will be determined. Where the integrity of the process is maintained, the opportunity for the court to know and understand the facts is maximized. Thus, an unbiased judge who considers only what is permissible, should then apply the law correctly with good results ensuing. While there are certainly no guarantees here, to ignore these guidelines will almost certainly invite disaster.

 

One day you WILL get to make it “PERSONAL”

A very learned and goodhearted parent once gave me some advice, a long time ago, at the start of my family-court nightmare, … “don’t take it personally”.  I, of course, found that impossible to do at the time, being a newbie and all.  This Veteran Mother, Parent of “the system” understandably, instinctively, knew how hard and long it takes to actually follow this advice, and kindly followed up with, WHEN the time came that I WAS able to do this, accept that the horrible treatment given to me, and to my children, by the court, and the court appointed professionals, and, just as painful and unbelievable, by the “apathetic bystanders”, whether they be the attorneys stymied by the outcome or those just plain out corrupted into “buying the outcome”, and that it was, in fact, NOT personal to them, just business, then I would be able to move on to the next level and try to begin fighting BACK.

I state with all sincerity and not just a little shame, that this piece of advice was the hardest thing for me to accept.  How can it NOT be personal … when it IS personal?  When it’s your life being destroyed, your children being ripped away with no voices, as if they are worthless orphans .. the outrage, horror and grief of this is at times unbearable.  The sad fact is it remains unbearable to many who capitulate, in total despair.  Why and how some of us survive these horrors and traumas is inexplicable to me, even now, years later.  I mourn those who did not make it, envy those who made it out and ran for their lives, and even resent (sometimes) those who made it out seemingly without a trace, having signed gag orders, etc. leaving no trail for those of us left behind to follow, like cracker crumbs to help guide us into finding OUR way out of the dark forest of this unspeakable hell.  I then console myself and forgive, knowing that there were MANY times during our nightmare had I been offered any reprieve to rewind, get out with my life and my children’s lives and childhoods intact I would certainly have jumped at the chance.

Parents – try, try, and try again, to NOT take it so personally simply in order to be able to see the great forest despite the trees in order to see the bigger picture.  And there is a bigger picture.  Try to console yourself that although it is very much personal to you, and to your precious children, if you can only find a way to survive You WILL, one day, get to speak up and out and make it personal.  In the between time, while you feel invisible, do everything you can just to survive it in order to live to fight another day.

My day has arrived. I don’t have my children back, and am dealing with the aftermath, and the secondary horrific crime of alienation, but, we are officially out of the system, by agreed order, not by any help from the courts and finally all court appointed unprofessional “professionals” officially discharged from our case, my ex  finally haven gotten a mere hint of a taste of their wrath, it was, after all, ALL ABOUT THE MONEY, and last fall he began to run out of money, actually losing custody himself just a few short months ago of the very children that these same “unprofessional” professionals granted him some three years prior.  It’s important to note he lost custody for the very reasons, grounds, that I had for many years tried but been denied from exposing to the courts, and their court appointed professionals.

I, the mother, ran out of funds after 6 years and $45,000 into the system while my ex had enough funds to continue on an extra three years.  It cannot be a coincidence that was this the three year period of time in which he was not only given custody but was assisted in his campaign to block access and visitation between me and my children.  These were the barriers my children and I faced these long years.

This January 2014, I was able to begin the long and scary road of coping with and accepting the pointless, unnecessary tragedies that wrongfully separated my children from me for over three years due to an abusive ex who simply used a corrupt system as a means to continue to abuse and denigrate me.  Our children are the real victims.

I begin my journey back to them … God only knows if or how we will reconcile with one another, and, if or how we will ever be able to accept and triumph over all that has happened to us while everyone around watched and did nothing to help us. It takes a great deal to overcome feeling that powerless and unimportant.  One thing is certain … we are not unscathed.

I pray every day that we will find a way to use our tragedy in some positive way to help others who are suffering similarly.

It has to begin somewhere.  This is my beginning, and I am now, finally, able to make it personal.  I am speaking up, and out, for my children and for all children and their protective parents.

 

 

How Parental Kidnapping Works (for the Abuser) — Writing For My Life, Nov. 2012

Date: Feb 5, 2013 9:27 PM
Subject: WRITING FOR MY LIFE:  Our Story (parts).Diary.Nov2012

Please see most attached Motion which is the most recent filing re: our Chancery Case in Central Mississippi, to remove the Guardian Ad Litem for my son and daughter.  The gal was appointed in August 2011  to investigate a sexual abuse charge my ex-husband filed against a youth minister in our hometown … a charge that turned out to be no-billed for lack of evidence some 15 months later, and, that never had any bearing on me as a mother, or as a fit parent to my children.  In addition, the gal was to investigate why my 9 year old daughter was hospitalized for insomnia, anxiety, and stress-related conditions in July of 2010, shortly after I retrieved her, with the knowledge and assistance from local authorities from her father’s home and hometown some 200 miles away from my and my children’s hometown on the Mississippi Gulf Coast.  I picked up my youngest child who was hiding on the side of the road by her father’s home at 3 a.m.  after my young daughter and her 12 year old brother were not returned from a 4 day vacation with their father. The gal did no investigation into any of these matters.

After the children had been taken by their father, against custody, the summer of 2010, they were denied unmonitored access to communicate with me but my 9 year old was able to sneak a call to me after 6 weeks of forced, illegal separation.  Being frightened and confused, this child was alarmed and afraid and asked me to come pick her up right away.  Her father told her she would never see or live with me, her mother, again.

This parental kidnapping on the part of her father had been a pattern of their father’s every year since our divorce was finalized in March 2006.  I battled it as best I could, with no punishment or sanctions against their father, in spite of the fact that I had custody of the children.  I did drive the 200 miles to pick up my daughter from her father’s home after notifying the local PD who offered as much assistance as they could.  My son was not waiting outside.  I was advised to either wait and take my son  when he did come outside, as was my right, or, get assistance through the courts.  The police were unable to bodily remove the children from the residence even though my ex-husband was in direct contempt because I did not have a writ of assistance set out in our custody agreement which would allow them to do.  This parental kidnapping, and legal abuse of consistent, frivolous custody, contempt actions had been a pattern of my ex-husband’s approximately twice every year since our divorce was finalized in March 2006.

 

Random Thoughts: Can’t We All Just Get Along? Mothers, Fathers, to Unite and Snuff Out The Real Terrorists Who Are Profiting From Our Losses, Our Children ….

They (the money-grubbers in the “system”) have sat back, content in the knowledge that there is so much “gender” animosity, in-fighting, mothers vs. fathers, when we ALL know this began as a slow, gradual movement, where surely fathers suffered greatly in the early 70’s & the 80’s, until fathers began to unite, rebel, as they should have, invested money and called much attention to their plight.  It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to get a grasp on how that movement shifted into shared parenting, with the scales tipped (FOR THE MOST PART!) in favor of fathers … much sympathy was duly earned but now we have entered into a realm of in-fighting that has only helped the most disgusting corrupt of the corrupt content to line their pockets while egging on the conflicts in court, giving no thought whatsoever to the real victims … the CHILDREN.

It’s obvious that with the shift came the influx of the most corrupt of corrupt … the attorneys, the court appointed “professionals”, as the balance shifted, in most areas, to where fit and loving mothers began to lose children, horribly, inexplicably.  No real human being wishes to cause this pain on anyone, any loving, protective parent.

I am saddened by what I perceive to be the biggest obstacle, this division between which gender has or is suffering the most … there are sadists, narcissists, crazies in both genders … it’s easy enough to tell who loves their children selflessly.  We are ALL OVER THESE BLOGS, WRITINGS FOR OUR LIVES as I call it.  It’s heartbreaking and I fear it won’t end until we find ways to unite, pull together, in order to attack the REAL ENEMY .. those who are encouraging the sociopath ex’s (of either gender) to wage war in court in order to punish an ex-spouse by using the children.

It is my most fervent hope and prayer that we all soon unite, one with another, alienated, abused, mistreated, robbed, scandalized, broken, suffering mothers AND fathers, moms and dads, PARENTS!… IN ORDER THAT WE SNUFF OUT, EXPOSE, REPORT, HOLD ACCOUNTIBLE, PUNISH AND REMOVE FOREVER, ALL THOSE WHO HAVE BROKEN THE GREATEST TRUST OF THEIR PROFESSIONS WHILE THEY CONTINUE TO PROFIT FROM OUR, AND MORE IMPORTANT, OUR CHILDRENS, DISTRESS.

 

CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG AND UNITE FOR THE CAUSE?  WARRIORS, MOTHERS, FATHERS, PARENTS, WHO MUST RECLAIM OUR RIGHTS, OUR CHILDREN?  OUR FUTURE DEPENDS ON IT.

 

 

“Maternal Deprivation is inflicting abuse by severing the mother-child bond…” from research, Sept. 2011 (BEFORE fated gal appointment!)

Unethical treatment of women and children in family court & Maternal Deprivation:

Maternal Deprivation is inflicting abuse by severing the mother-child bond. It is a form of abuse that men inflict on both the mother and children, especially men who claim they are “parentally alienated” from their children when there are complaints of abusive treatment by the father.

Maternal Deprivation occurs when men seek to keep their children from being raised by their mothers who are the children’s natural caretakers,
seek to sever the maternal bonds by making false allegations of fictitious psychological syndromes in a deliberate effort to change custody and/or keep the child from having contact with their mother when there are legal proceedings.

In seeking to define this form of abuse certain common elements are found in the Maternal Deprivation scenario as follows:

History of domestic abuse that could be physical, psychological, sexual,  and/or social abuse occurring on or off again, occasionally, or          chronically which could be mild, moderate, or severe, including  homicidal and/or suicidal threats; Legal proceedings relating to abuse;
Hiring of “Fathers Rights” attorney; Use of “Hired Gun” mental health  professionals to make accusations of psychological disorder against the  mother and children in deliberate effort to excuse abuse and change  custody or grant visitation that is contrary to safety concerns (Another  name for these unethical professionals are “Whores of the  Courts“); Raising claims of “psychological disorders” against the mother  such as “Parental Alienation Syndrome” (PAS), Munchausen by Proxy  Syndrome, Malicious Mother Syndrome, Lying Litigant Syndrome,  Hostile Aggressive Parenting or any other mother-blaming  psychological disorder that can be used by the unethical professional to  re-victimize the victims; Infliction of “Legal Abuse” by continually and  excessively filing motions so that the mother continually has to defend  herself and her child(ren) causing financial and emotional devastation.  Can occur in response to child support legal proceedings as retaliation;

The intent of “Maternal Deprivation” is to punish the mother and the child for revealing the abuse and to falsely claim that they are not abusive. This very commonly occurs as there are more and more “abuse-excuse” parental alienation accusing professionals who use this scientifically invalid theory over and over to achieve specific goals of the person paying them.

Maternal Deprivation can also occur in response to child support legal proceedings. When occurring in this manner, Maternal Deprivation is a response to the financial demands as retaliation. Suddenly the father who had little prior involvement wants to take the kids half the time to avoid child support obligations, etc.

When the men are really abusive, they ask for sole custody and demand the mother of the child pay them. Although some people call this “Maternal Alienation”, a distinction needs to be made as the pro-pedophilia “Parental Alienation Syndrome” and the use of the word “Alienation” are most often used AGAINST battered women and abused children. There needs to be a distinction between the phony psychological syndrome and the intentional infliction of abuse on a mother and child by intentionally severing their natural bond. This distinction can best be made by NOT using the label of “Alienation” which will always be associated with the pro-pedophilia monster Doctor Richard Gardner.

Some of the characteristics of the especially heinous abusers who inflict Maternal Deprivation include but are not limited to the following:
*Angry; *Abusive;
*Violent; *Coercive;
*Controlling; *Threatening; *Intimidating; *Demanding; *Domineering;
*Harassing;
*Stalking;
*Tyrannical;
*Oppressive;
*Forceful;
*Manipulative;
*Deceptive;
*Unethical;
*Un-empathetic(Lacks Empathy);
*Entitled;
*Immature;
*Self-centered;
*Neglectful;
*Guilt inducing;
*Pushy;
*Intentionally tries to humiliate mother and/or child;
….