Thinking Out Loud: 2013 research, and, something IS rotten …. 

I have been reviewing and sorting through my research from the past five years or so, and I came across this file, article from journalist Janie McQueen. I remember so well how relieved I was to find Janie, a real, live person, a mother, no less, who was also a talented journalist, who was shining a much-needed light on issues of good mothers losing custody, maternal deprivation, wrongful and severed bonds between mothers and children, Family Courts, child custody suits gone wrong, roles professionals play in these decisions, and, of course, what effect all of this was having on a whole generation of children and the mothers that were fighting, and, in most cases, losing, everything, for the children they love and gave birth to.

Shortly after I discovered Janie, she was sharing the plight of another mother, Robin Karr. I was drawn to Robin’s story as well, it surprised and appalled me so (and had striking similarities with my own experiences).

Both Janie and Robin were inspirational to me. Their works combined with exposure from other  authors, psychologists, attorneys, and advocates (Keith  Harmon Snow, Linda Shelton, Barry Goldstein, Richard Ducote, Sunni Kelly, and Susan Skipp), all formed for me a circle of hope, a way to explanation and sometimes validation, which can be so frustratingly necessary when one is battling these issues alone, and most especially necessary for those ever-ready skeptics who would rather not consider the dark places many of us are forced to know and live in unless they have proof and documentation – piles of it. These groundbreakers were like water to my thirsty soul. They were pivotal in helping me change myself and how I reacted and responded to the numerous and terrible abuses and circumstances that had plagued, hurt, abused, and divided, me and my children for so many years. The circumstances that forced me into multiple legal battles, answering ludicrous and false claims, causing me to fear and fight to avoid being jailed for inability to pay GAL fees, imposing undue and harsh travel requirements, long-term, limited and restricted visitations, and, of course, ultimately, the severed relationship between me and two of my children.

Though throughout my own family’s experiences I never doubted that what was happening to us was wrong, unjustified, and horrific, having documented research, studies, definitions, and data available to me from these experienced, highly respected and acclaimed professionals  and citizens was invaluable. From that point on,  I determined to put into place some strategy and thereby developed more effective ways to navigate the minefield, so to speak, in which I dared to speak up and fight Back instead of remaining on defense (Although that’s a normal first response when being relentlessly pummeled it is wise to eventually conclude that behavior will continue because it is purposefully designed to keep you cowering, preventing you from coming up for air – adapt to overcome – so I made my OWN air pocket).  Making these changes was made easier because of these others Who went before me, who left tiny breadcrumbs and lit flares to guide me along the perilous path. And, somehow, I found The odds just were not quite as daunting as before. I was no longer really alone in the universe and I had validation. 

I have continued on my path, often feeling as if I am the proverbial widow begging for justice, presenting evidence, writing or corresponding, sending and exchanging information, absolutely anything that I could do I have and it has NEVER been time wasted. I will continue to fight for the wrongs to be righted, and, always, to remain visible to and connected with my children in every way that I can. They deserve this and so much more. This is certainly not any path I ever dreamed I would ever be on but it has been the path laid before me and I must continue to walk it with tenacity, courage, and honor. NO ONE can deny me that. I take comfort in and purpose from this and in knowing I have it in my power to give something to my children, something unalterable and undeniable, something which is good and right, despite all of the wrongs imposed on us, and which is ours alone … my legacy, my actions, my behavior, my perseverance, my fight for them was, is, and will always be, my gift to each of them (After all is said and done it could be all they ever get to have of me).  I am a mother, more important, I’m THEiR  mother … Of course I’m going to make sure I give them the best.

And, here it is 2015, Robin and Janie teamed up to collaborate on a wonderful project, a young adult fictional book, The Motherless Child Project. I’m so grateful for their hard work, courage, and the time that they put into helping spread awareness and education for this very important cause.

From my Files, 2013:
Mulling over Something Rotten in Texas … (Robin Karr, told through Janie McQueen):

My two youngest children were taken from me before turning 1 and 2 via their abusive father and a corrupt family court judge in Texas,” Robin wrote. “My children never came home. I do not know them.”

Never came home? She doesn’t know them? I was stunned. How could this be? I read on.  “I was only permitted five supervised visits over the years and none since 2004. My children have been denied their birthright – the right to know and be loved by their own mother. I was arrested at one point for breaking down in court and crying when I was told I could no longer see my children even supervised.”

Although I covered crime and legal issues for years, I never heard a court of law inflict such cruelty. Aside from denying Robin her right to exist as a mother, what utter lack of empathy and basic humanity would prompt a judge to order an agonizing mother to jail for exhibiting her pain? This isn’t the first time I’ve wondered if we live in a country that sadistically punishes mothers with the emotional equivalent of stoning: taking away their children and severing their relationships so that some are truly gone forever. I know stoning and misogynistic custody rulings are not the same thing. But most mothers will make the connection.

Moreover, people like Robin Karr have experienced a lack of any recourse whatsoever. Once that door closes, in some cases, the mother can break her fists beating on that door for years and years, but it is sealed shut, never to be opened again. A mother asks for an appeal, and there is no one to hear her,  nowhere to go. In Robin’s case, the very people who should have been helping her, instead betrayed her and propagated the cruelty.

Here is a recent, tremendously powerful series of news stories on Karr’s case, by a Canadian reporter. Pay close attention to Story 2, and what happened when Karr approached a Texas fathers’ rights organization.

  1. A Mother Claims That Corruption in Family Courts Ruined her Life
  2. A Mother’s Battle with Parental Alienation: 15 Years Later
  3. Corruption in Family Court Doesn’t Stop with a Judge or a Lawyer
  4. Robin Karr: A Great Story of Courage and Survival

Minding the empathy gap: mapping the world of the alienated child

Thank you for your work, sharing your knowledge, experience. Without professionals, real and experienced “EXPERTS” such as yourself, the definitions, explanations, descriptions, predictions, would continue to circle around among the non-professionals, others in charge, community leaders, educators, etc. and all of this would continue to convolute these issues that are hurting children, hurting their loved ones. Your work is much appreciated by those of us who need it. Education and awareness, and working together, is the only way to bring any end, any comfort and healing, to these terrible matters.

Karen Woodall

One of the more complicated pieces of work that we do at the Family Separation Clinic is assist parents in hybrid cases of alienation to repair their relationship with their children.  These cases are sometimes presented as being not parental alienation but justified rejection because the children involved can talk about the things that a parent has done which have caused their withdrawal and these things, are indeed often observable in the parent.  These cases are however within the alienation spectrum because the child involved has utilised the coping mechanism of complete rejection of a parent in order to deal with the dilemma that they face.

I have said before and it is worth repeating today, children do not use the coping mechanism of complete rejection of a parent unless they are in a position where they have no other option but to do so. This situation can arise because…

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Another Teen, 17 years old, ends life

17 Year-Old Ends Life; Walks in Front of Train 

Suicide Note: “No Point in Living” 

Depressed from Being Taken from Loving Mom – Given to Father 

Judge Ignores Mom’s Pleas for Help; Admits Father Abusive and Drug User; Still Switches Custody; Now Another Child Dead 

“The judge after he gave my ex custody said to him, “There were reports of abuse and drugs in the past.  Let’s not have any more of that.”

“Joshua was the sweetest boy.  Everyone at the memorial just kept telling stories about how nice and helpful he was.  I had taught my children to show love to all and always be ready to help someone.  And that was Josh. He was also incredibly smart. But people will remember his kindnesses much more.”  –  Protective Mom Becky 

“Josh was getting counseling to help him to learn to cope with his depression. That had just started when I lost custody. “

“For the last four years his dad did nothing for him to get him counseling.  My boy was hurting too bad for too long and there was no one who would or could step in and get him treatment.  I knew all along that he was depressed.  I had tried to get him help. “

“The judge after he gave my ex custody said to him, “There were reports of abuse and drugs in the past.  Let’s not have any more of that.”  

“But I actually was deemed to be ‘unfit’  because of homeschooling.”  –  PM Becky 

This is just one more casualty in the war on women and children in Family Courts. 

See photo, additional details, courtesy of Safe Kids International: 

Dare You To Read … 



I have some horrific news to share. Yesterday, I learned about a 13 year old girl who took her own life. I know her family.. Look at this beautiful girl. Look at those eyes… She was involved in extracurricular actives at her middle school as a Cheerleader and Goal Keeper for the Co-Ed Soccer Team. She was also active in Gymnastics and was a member of the Competition Cheerleading Team. What would prompt a beautiful girl with her whole life ahead of her to take her own life? Why was she so tortured?

I’ll tell you why… Her father (a police officer) managed to gain full custody of her and he completely cut her mother out of her life. This precious girl was deprived of her own mother like my children and so many other children have been, so many mothers and children who are now coming forward with their own personal stories and experiences. 

If your heart is not already broken for the mother of this beautiful young girl who took her life, it will be after I tell you what happened the day before she took her life. This child wanted desperately to see her mom again, so she called her using a friend’s cell phone and asked if she’d meet her somewhere (on the sly of course since her father would never allow her to be with her mother at all). They met and were able to finally spend some time together. This mother and her family thought their prayers had been answered. How could they know what would happen next? This young girl took her own life the very next day. Can you imagine how her mother must have felt? Can you imagine how this precious child must have felt just before she pulled the trigger that ended her life? There is nothing in this life more horrific -more traumatic- than forcing a child to live with no contact with their own mother.

If there were any doubts about how cruel this father was before his child took her life, there are no doubts now. He buried this baby girl (and “baby” is what I call a 13 year old) without allowing her own mother -the women who carried her and gave birth to her and cared for her until she “lost” custody of her- to come to the funeral or burial. He even left her mother out of the obituary as if she didn’t exist. If evil has a face, it’s the face of this dead child’s father.

Not long after I read this post, Janie and I teamed up and decided to use our knowledge of the inner workings of the corrupt family court system and our writing talents to do -to create- something that would make a difference. Something that would give a voice to those who are harmed the most – the children. After working on numerous blog posts together, we began working on The Motherless Child Project which was released just before Christmas 2014. This book is only the first in a series. Sadly, our nation is truly becoming a nation of motherless children more and more with each passing day. While mothers have some small voice, children have no voice. Ember -our book’s main character- is a much needed voice for all the motherless children. You can read more about The Motherless Child Project at http://www.themotherlesschildproject.com

Depriving children of a relationship with their own mother is completely traumatic. It’s known that childhood trauma is linked to many adverse and long-term health and social consequences. The more traumatic events a child experiences, the more tragic the consequences will be. You can read more about how childhood trauma negatively impacts a child’s life here http://acestudy.org/ What’s makes the results of the ACE Study even more troubling is the fact that this nation’s family court judges (those charged with upholding the law of the land), family court lawyers, GAL’s (lawyer who are charged with representing the best interest of the child), court appointed social workers and psychologists intentionally place children in dangerous, abusive, traumatic situations.

To get a glimpse of what a “motherless” child endures -feels-, read “When a Mother Disappears: The Words from a Stolen Child” http://mothersoflostchildren.org/2015/01/when-a-mother-disappears-the-words-from-a-stolen-child/ 

Following is a heart-wrenching excerpt “I grew up thinking this could not have happened to anyone else. No one else’s mother disappears, which had made me feel deeply ashamed, though I hadn’t named that; I had just felt it somewhere beneath the surface of my heart, because children always assume it is their fault when a parent leaves. I had known my father had something to do with it though. And perhaps my mother had done something bad, something that made him furious.  I knew it wasn’t only my fault.”

Of course, trauma impacts the mothers of “lost” children experiencing trauma they can’t do anything about. Losing a child “through life” is the most horrific way to lose a child. Until a couple of decades ago, nobody had ever lost a child in this way– at least not in mass numbers. And, children didn’t go missing “legally”.

No mother should ever have to lose a child through life. It’s not normal. It’s not natural. There is no closure. There is no end to the gut wrenching pain. The wound does not ever heal. In fact, it never even forms a scab toward healing. It remains perpetually open… The taking of living children from living mothers is something so terrible, so evil, that there is no way to really describe such a loss. I wrote a poem about losing a child through life here http://motherswithoutcustodyworld.com/to_lose_a_child_through_life The mother of this 13 year old lost a child through life and then through death too. I don’t know how to even begin to describe that kind of loss….

This story -this suicide- has hit me really really hard. I’m also thinking of other mothers I’ve met who hatheir children to abusive fathers and then suicide – mothers like Maria Bauer Melinn. Maria’s son Michael took his life in the same way… I wonder how many children commit suicide because of being deprived of their mothers. God never intended for the sacred bond between mother and child to be broken. Laura was only eleven months old and Matthew was only twenty-three months old when they were taken from me in November 1998. I do not know my own children. And they do not know their own mother. They have grown up entirely motherless. There are hundreds of thousands of motherless children in the United States (and beyond) who have loving mothers, but are not allowed to see them or even know them in many cases.

Janie McQueen wrote a blog post a while back called “A Nation of Motherless Children” where she asked the question “Do you know the spiritual Sometimes I Feel Like a Motherless Child? All these sad, one-winner cases make me wonder if we’re heading toward a nation of motherless children.” http://janiemcqueen.com/a-nation-of-motherless-children/

{it’s} past time to get serious about stopping this intentional maternal deprivation. Please, let’s all work together to stop this. Speak out loudly about the racketeering going on in the family court system. http://motherswithoutcustodyworld.com/family_court_a_criminal_enterprise

Most important of all though, let’s continually pray for our children to be delivered from evil.

(For more details, additional information, please see The Motherless Child Project) 

message from child

Message from estranged child (from thefourthagreement.WordPress.com)

I am every age. I am four and twelve and fourteen and twenty-nine. I am every age in between. Pray for me and for our reconnection. If you don’t believe in prayer, then believe in the power of your own mind and heart. Know the power of your thoughts. Know that you can reach me and hold me in your mind’s eye. Find a way to rise above the negativity and the pain and let love sustain you. Believe that there is some purpose to this mess and that we will both be okay.

I will find my way back to you. It may be when I remember I am your daughter or it may be when I find that bigger part of me, the authentic self who is neither my father’s daughter nor my mother’s daughter, nor a victim; the Self that is whole and empowered and was never lost, never abandoned, never hurt. This could be a long, slow process, or it could happen in a moment, in a word I hear, in a prayer I feel, coming from you.

*I invite you to follow my blog for the complete story which begins here :

https://thefourthagreement.wordpress.com/2014/12/02/now-reaching-out-one-last-time/

https://thefourthagreement.wordpress.com/2015/01/04/a-message-from-your-estranged-child/

NEVER Say To An Alienated Parent:

Here is a list of things to never say to an alienated parent.

1. Get over it. Focus on the child you have. Before you even think about this, please have a look at your own children and decide which one you would choose to forget exists.

2. It will be ok. No, it won’t. Memories are being destroyed and your child is being taught to hate you. This is never ok. Never. EVER!

3. I know how you feel. Do you? Have you gone years and not seen your child? Unless you have, don’t even go there.

4. Your child is ok. No. An alienated child is an abused child. Abuse is never ok. EVER. Denying rights and contact is a direct violation and outright emotional abuse. This is never ok.

5. It will get easier in time. No, it won’t. Ever. Because time heals nothing. It creates more distance and a bigger loss that can never be replaced. Think of lost milestones.

6. It’s not like (s)he’s dead. Isn’t it? Know what? Accepting the loss of a child is easier when they’re dead. Because its final and there has to be acceptance. Living grief is torture.

7. Back to no 1 here. Think about your other child. Yeah, you think I don’t? The one who constantly asks why? Again, don’t even dare go there.

Granted it’s hard to know what to say to anyone in a difficult situation and that’s fine. But there is NO excuse for any of the above.

Hearts Apart – Raising Awareness Of Parental Alienation‘s post

The DSM 5 Has included Parental Aienation – Inform your Therapists, Lawyers …

“The DSM 5 Has included PA Via including the various forms of Child Psychological abuse on Children and the various symptoms and psychological disorders they develop due to Parental Alianation. It does not use the term “Parental Alianation”; the DSM 5 places the focus on the Child instead. An alianated parent can now present what is being done to their child/ren in court and advocate for their wellbeing and put a stop to it. Inform your Therapists and Lawyers and bring alianators to court. If your Therapists and Lawyers are not up to date, make sure you get ones that are not sitting on this huge accomplishment. It’s time to make history via saving our Children”  {information posted by active parent, Parental Alienation World Wide Support Group}

Mama loves you: TO THE MOON AND BACK is an artistic project ….

To unnecessarily and violently separate a woman and her young children can represent the gravest form of abuse, with major social ramifications in generations to come.

Most contested custody cases are domestic abuse or child abuse cases in which the abuser has been allowed to use the courts to regain control over their victim, and bankrupt the safe, primary care giving, protective parent. Through art we hope that this National Crisis be understood.

Mama loves you: TO THE MOON AND BACK is an artistic project for Mothers of Domestic Violence, throwing light on the suffering endured by mothers and children who have been separated by court orders.

More – http://mothersoflostchildren.org/2014/12/domestic-violence-art-exhibit-to-the-moon-and-back/

Gossipy Feathers on the Wind

I’ve been offline a little while for reasons to best help my family, and this topic is what I have found to be the cause of most of the damage for much of the suffering I have seen among others suffering similar to what I have, to what has been the root of so many unnecessary split and suffering children, parents, loved ones. I hope others help share this, and take notice. It seems such a basic lesson, watching one’s words, repeating stories, gossip, making up and telling untrue stories, lies, but, it seems so many children grow to adulthood never understanding the tremendous power of their words, slander, lies … these turn into the adults who are actively involved in our everyday lives, the lives of our children, making decisions, influencing, etc. It’s a vicious cycle. This is too important a lesson to overlook. Thanks for your post.

One Christian Dad

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A man grew jealous of his friend’s life, and since he was upset that his own life was falling apart, he devised a scheme to take the heat off of himself. He began to spread gossip about his friend all through the church and on Facebook. Hurtful, slanderous, lies aimed at hurting and ruining his friend’s reputation. Soon everyone was talking about the story. After a while he is convicted of his guilt and he confesses his sin to his friend, and asks for forgiveness.

His friend is willing to forgive him but first he hands him  a down filled pillow and a knife, and says, “Take this pillow to the top of the highest building in town and release all the feathers into the wind, then come back to me.” Confused, the the man agrees to fulfil this strange task. When he returns to his friend and asks for his forgiveness…

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